before I shower: ugh damn it i'm too lazy and i don't want to shower ill do it later
when I'm in the shower: sweet jesus christ what is this magical fuckery this is the most relaxing thing ever it's like a vacation in my own bathroom so warm so magical this is holy water that's been blessed by god himself I never want to leave this spot as it wraps its pleasuring waters of warmth around my body
so so so so so so sad. I sad everyday. I sad forever. I sad b/c lonely. grammar go where?
Guy eats an entire stick of Old Spice deodorant in a minute…… Fuck, he’s so mellow about it WHY
So in one week we’ve got three cannibal cases in Florida, a man spitting blood all over a highway patrol officer, another man disemboweling himself and then throwing his intestines at two police officers, and a woman beheading her infant and eating it’s brain……. Wait, that really happened? The woman killing her kid was a couple months ago
i want to be a bus driver when i grow up just so i can run people over beep beep mother fuckers